Don't understand 2

Here's something else I don't get. 

You know that thing? That thing you just found out about. The thing that makes you modern and up to date. Well, here's the news: It went out of fashion last week. 

Let me explain.

I just found out about the Hipster Beard. What a weird idea that is. A slick young urbanite sporting an old man's Lumberjack beard. Directly I discovered this new fashion I met one and I successfully made the mental connection, so I felt awfully up to date. Furthermore I did my Interweb research and I am now fully up to speed with beards and hipsters and all that modern London stuff.

So I am rather disappointed to read that Hipster Beards are suddenly so "last year" and I assume the next big thing, which will be even more weird is already upon us. Therefore I am still out of date.

And another thing.

Once upon a time a bag of nuts had "Bag of Nuts" and "Sainsburys" printed on the outside and you knew where you were. 

Then that was terribly yesterday because your bag of nuts was suddenly presented as "Old Albert's Organic Cashew Feast" and appeared in a glass jar tied with a nice piece of red and white Gingham cloth to reinforce its rural credentials. 

These days a bag of nuts has become a hip superfood, and like all things new it sports a single word title like "Bite" or "Glug". Why?

This terse title fad extends to those terribly modern coffee shops, restaurants and clothes stores that title themselves "Bean", "Price" or "Coat"

I assume this fashion will soon move on because, as you observe, I have finally noticed it.