Life Observed

You know where you are with an Imaginary Friend. Someone who won't let you down or complain or object to your socks.  Wait a minute.  Where's he gone?

An embarrassing historical moment captured by quick thinking sculptor. When the Corinthian rugby team saw the strength of the opposition, their heads literally exploded.

This statue commemorates the dangers of spicy food. To quote the rather wonderful Goon Show .. "No more curried eggs for me!"

Being just the under-gardener you have to accept your rank in life: Just a little lower than the head gardener.

Victorian hospitals were stark and dreary places. Your symptoms were displayed outside your ward on a large red banner.  Serious diseases merited warning cones and lights.

Our new house build is going slowly. The builders turned up in the afternoon, lit a fire and made a cup of tea. Then it was time to go home.

We are sorry to report that Igor has escaped again. If you see him, don't make eye contact, comment on his general appearance or call him a monster.

Lady Stoat-Mitherer* agonised over the impending interview. Choosing the right staff is important, however they should not be made too comfortable, it may set a precedent.  So she had the comfy sofa removed by the Butler's assistant. *Pronounced "Smythe"

Mr Phelps looked long and hard at the dinghy.  He knew in his heart he had left it too long..

You're having a bad day? Pah!  Tell me about it...

How to stop the staff whinging about the office temperature: Fit one of these. Tap it every morning and say - "aah, just right".

How to make your amps sound better without all that dangerous soldering: Cover them in tweed. Black is so old school , but everyone knows that tweed amps sound better.

We can't afford to buy a squadron of the new F35 Lightning II jet, so we have to press some of our old faithfuls in to service.  These will soon make Ivan back off a bit.

In a direct contradiction of the well known saying, here's proof that "when one door opens, another two open as well - although one remains closed". OK, I realise as a saying it's not as snappy.

Well this is typical of Britain. We used to do things well. Sheffield steel was the envy of the world, people would queue round the block for the chance to buy a nice nylon shirt from Marks and Spencer or a brand new Vauxhall Velox. And now? Now we try to keep lake water in place with a pair of wicker fences.  It is this sort of woolly thinking that could lose us our Empire. You mark my words.

There is a sale on at the local archaeology site. Buy two columns and get one free.

In a novel attempt to widen its appeal: The Greek Orthodox church has introduced Happy Hour.

"Spacious and well appointed Bathroom with exceptional views"

Here we have a student on the Estate Agent training course. She is facing the ultimate challenge.  How to best describe a pile of stones and a tree with no local services.

I'm glad I complained when we got to the hotel. I was able to get us upgraded to a better room.